The end of innocence

It was a bright, beautiful September morning. I was on a train from London to Edinburgh. The scenery outside was breathtaking - the idyllic country side with covered with green fields, the tiny brick houses perched on cliffs overlooking the sea, the bright blue sky with white clouds sprinkled here and there. It was a perfect day.

After staring out the window for a while, I turned my attention to my neighbor. She was an English woman in her thirties. Her young daughter was sitting in the seat across our table. She was a pretty thing - the child, barely more than ten. She had bright blue eyes, flawless skin and straight blonde hair which kept falling on her face. Though her head was buried in a book, the girl kept peering at her mother every now and then. Her attempts at making small talk with her mother were constantly being ignored by the latter, who was fiercely working on her laptop.

Call it curiosity or human nature, I soon found myself peeking into the woman’s laptop. I guess I needed to know what was keeping a mother from giving her daughter a little attention. A few minutes and some stolen glances later, I knew. And it left me very disturbed.

The mother’s story goes something like this: She had broken up with her daughter’s birth father about a year ago. She later got involved with another man and moved in with him. Unfortunately, that relationship turned violent and ended. Meanwhile, her ex-husband passed away a couple of months ago. Now, the woman is not only single, but also broke. She is in such financial distress that she is forced to live with her mother in Edinburgh and cannot even afford to send her daughter to school.

What she was doing now on her laptop was looking for a place in London so that she can move there with her daughter and send her to school. She was also mailing schools requesting them to accept her daughter, who, according to her, was a brilliant student.

I sank back in my chair and closed my eyes. I realized that I had probably broken a couple of hundred laws by invading the woman’s privacy. But that wasn’t disturbing as much as the thought of what the innocent child had to go through at such an age - her parents separating, her mother’s violent relationship with another man and to top it all, her father’s demise.

I looked at the girl. Her bright blue eyes were focused on her book, intently absorbing every word in it. I had to ask myself this – when should parents put their children ahead of themselves? Apparently, if her mother had been more thoughtful about her daughter’s future, she would have made better choices in her life. It is true that being a single mother isn’t easy and there is nothing wrong in the woman’s desire to find someone to support her emotionally and financially. But isn’t it also true that we are responsible for shaping the future of our children, who are in this world because of us?

Right or not, her choices have been made for the child by her mother and she has to live with their consequences. I looked into her innocent blue eyes and wondered what would become of her in the future. I am sure I will never meet the girl again, but I can guarantee that she will linger in my thoughts for a long time.

Love: Reel Vs Real

“I have to leave you because I do not want to hurt you. But promise me something... promise me that you will not do anything reckless” Edward says to Bella. He gazes at her longingly, with suppressed angst... angst at having to leave the only woman he ever loved in his 109 years of damned existence. Bella looks at him, confused, scared and lost.

Those were the exact same words that my now ex-boyfriend had said to me three years ago. He had the same solemn look in his eyes. And I had looked at him just as Bella did at Edward.

There was, however, once subtle difference between what happened on screen between Bella and Edward, and what happened in my life. Bella’s lover wanted to leave her in order to protect her from his vampire family. Mine wanted to leave me because he had another woman in his life and he wished to go to her.

So how similar are real-life and reel-life loves?

I, like a lot of other girls in my generation, have treated myself to a fair share of Hollywood flicks when growing up. Being a woman, I was probably influenced by the romance genre more than any other. Fairytale endings, happily-ever-afters appealed to me and I secretly hoped that my life would turn out to be like one of them. At one point, I was convinced that that was how true love is supposed to be.

Perhaps that is why when my now ex-boyfriend had entered my life three and a half years ago and told me that I was his perfect match, I was thrilled. He seemed to walk straight out of a blockbuster Hollywood romantic flick. He had the charm, the looks and he said all the right lines. He would appear at my door in the dead of the night with a bunch of red roses. He would write poems about me and praise me beyond my imagination. He had literally swept me off my feet. It was all fantastical, just like in the movies.

That was probably why I was so devastated when he told me, after six blissful months of being in love, that he had to leave me. I had seen it happen in a lot of movies. The hero has to leave his woman because of circumstances beyond his control. He longs for her, aches for her and waits for destiny to take over, for there isn’t much he can do at this point other than breaking the heart of the woman he loves more than himself.

Unfortunately, it was a couple of years before my consciousness kicked in and I realised the truth. And the truth was that my dream guy was in reality a pathological liar, an egocentric maniac and a womaniser. It was right before my eyes all the while and I couldn’t see it.

I couldn’t see it because I had idealised life and love. I had fed my subconscious with so many unrealistic and fantastical scenarios from all the romantic flicks I had watched throughout my adolescence and early youth that I wasn’t willing to accept that reality was a lot different and harder to face.

I know that I cannot blame movies for my failure. The purpose of movies is entertainment and entertainment is what they must be limited to.

Yet it is undeniable that movies had altered the way I perceived reality. I had read somewhere that movies present a blurred picture of reality and consequently, cause us to have false or high expectations in life. As a result of these increased expectations, we often end up being disappointed with our rather regular and seemingly mundane lives.

The closest to Mr. Perfect in your life will just be a regular guy who can give you nothing more than his unfaltering loyalty and commitment. You know that he will never catch you by surprise by getting down on one knee and asking you to marry him. He will never come running through airport security check just as you are about to board a plane to the US, only to say that he loves you and wishes to spend the rest of his life with you.

No, all these things happen in the movies, not in real life.

But we secretly hope that someday they do. This happens to most of us, though a lot of us do not realise it or admit it. Consciously or subconsciously, we are all influenced by the movies we watch. This is more so the case with young people in their teens and twenties, when they have no real responsibilities to tie them down and stop their minds from wandering at every opportunity.

So, should movies be closer to real life? May be, maybe not. Some would say, what is the point in going to the movies if it is exactly like the drone of your everyday life? It is true that most of us watch movies because we want to escape from reality and be surrounded by fantasy, at least for a while. But what we must realise is that the fantasy stops once the end credits start rolling.

అందమే ఆనందం......!

Beauty is skin deep అని వెనకటికి ఎవరో అన్నారట. అది ఎంత వరకూ నిజం?

ఒక సగటు మనిషి ఎవరైనా కొత్త వ్యక్తిని కలిసినప్పుడు వారి రూపం చుసే వారి మీద ఒక అభిప్రాయం ఏర్పరుచుకుంటాడు. ఎలాంటివారైనా అందంగా ఉందే వారంటే ఆకర్షితులౌతారు, కురూపులకి దూరంగా ఉండాలనుకుంటారు. పెళ్ళిళ్ళ విషయంలో కూడా ముందు అమ్మాయి ఫోటో చూసి తన వ్యక్తిత్వాన్ని ఊహించటానికి ప్రయత్నిస్తారు. మన సినిమాల్లో కధానాయికలని అతిలోక సుందరులుగా చూపించి, హీరోలు వారి సౌందర్యానికి మంత్ర ముగ్ధులయ్యి వారితో ప్రేమలో పడి, ఆ ప్రేమ కోసం ప్రాణాలొడ్డి పోరాడినట్టు చిత్రీకరిస్తారు. సినిమాల్లో పాటలు కూడా హీరొయిన్ల అందాన్ని పొగుడుతూ ఉంటాయి కానీ, వారి తెలివితేటల గురించి కానీ, వారి వ్యక్తిత్వం గురించి కానీ ఎక్కడా ప్రస్తావన ఉండదు. అంటే ప్రేమకి అందం మాత్రమే కొలమానం అని ప్రేక్షకులకి పరోక్షంగా బోధిస్తున్నట్టే కదా?

మన ప్రచార సాధనాలు కూడా ఇదే భావనని ప్రోత్సహిస్తున్నాయి. బొమ్మల పెట్టెలో వచ్చే వాణిజ్య ప్రకటనలని ఎప్పుడైనా గమనించారా? వ్యక్తిగతంగా కానీ, వృత్తిపరంగా కానీ విజయం సాధించాలి అంటే అందంగా కనిపించటమే ముఖ్యం అనే ఒక భావం సుస్పష్టంగా కనిపిస్తుంది వీటిల్లో. అమ్మాయి నల్లగా ఉన్నప్పుడు కాదు అన్న పెళ్ళికొడుకు, అదే అమ్మాయి Fair and Lovely పూసుకుని తెల్లబడగానే చొంగ కారుస్తాడు. నల్లగా ఉన్నప్పుడు రాని ఉద్యోగం, అమ్మాయి తెల్లబడగానే వెత్తుక్కుంటూ వచ్చేస్తుంది. అమ్మాయి బొమ్మ గీస్తున్నప్పుడు ముందు మొహం మీద మచ్చలు గీసిన అబ్బాయి, అమ్మాయి Ponds రాసుకుని నున్నగా అయిపోగానే మచ్చలు చెరిపేసి, బొమ్మలో అమ్మాయి చేతికి ఉంగరం గీస్తాడు. నల్లగా ఉన్నప్పుడు ఛీ కొట్టిన అమ్మాయిలు, అబ్బాయి Fair and Handsome పూసుకుని తెల్లగా అవ్వగానే వాడి చుట్టూ చేరతారు.

So, ప్రేమ, పెళ్ళి, ఉద్యోగం, యే రంగంలో అయినా విజయవంతం అవ్వటానికి అన్నిటికనా అందం ముఖ్యం.... అందం లేని జీవితం నిరర్ధకం....... ఇవేనా మనం యువతకి బొధించాల్సిన నీతులు?

నల్లగా ఉన్నప్పుడు అసహ్యించుకుని, తెల్లగా ఉన్నప్పుడు ప్రేమించే వాళ్ళు మనల్ని సంతోషపెట్టగలరా? రేపు మనంకటే తెల్లగా, అందంగా ఉండే వాళ్ళు కనిపిస్తే? అందం ఎంత వరకూ పనికొస్తుంది? అందంగా లేని వాళ్ళకి సంతోషంగా జీవించే అధికారం లేదా? అదే నిజమైతే మరి నాలాంటి వాళ్ళు ఏమవ్వాలి? ఎన్ని క్రీములు పూసినా, ఎంత డబ్బు తగలేసినా భగవంతుడు ఇచ్చిన రూపం ఇలాగే ఉంటుందే. అంటే ప్రేమలో పడే హక్కు, ఉన్నత పదవుల్లో పని చేసే అవకాశం నాకు లేవా?

అందం అనేది మనం వేసుకునే బట్టల్లోనో, వాడే క్రీముల్లోనో, పెట్టుకునే కళ్ళద్దాలలోనో ఉండదు. అందానికీ విజయానికీ సంబధం లేదు. విజయానికి కావలసింది ఆత్మవిశ్వాసం. అది కలగటానికి కొంతమంది అందంగా కనిపించటమే మార్గం అనుకుంటారు, కొంతమంది తెలివితేటలని నమ్ముకుంటారు.

Life comes in 256 shades of gray. ప్రతి మనిషిలో మంచీ చెడూ రెండూ ఉంటాయి. ఎవరూ కూడా మన సినిమా హీరోల్లగా అతి మంచిగా, లేదా విలన్లలాగా పూర్తిగా చెడుగా ఉండరు. ఒక మనిషిలో మంచితనాన్నీ, తన సేవాభావాన్నీ చూసి అతన్ని ఇష్టపడాలి కానీ, తన బాహ్యసౌందర్యాన్ని చూసి కాదు. అందం శాశ్వతం కాదే. పూవు లాగానే అందం కూడా యవ్వనం కరిగిపోగానే వాడిపోతుంది కదా?

కోటి విద్యలూ కూటి కొరకే అని, అమ్ముకునే వాడు మనకి ఏదైనా చెప్తాడు, ఎంతకైనా దిగజారతాడు. విద్యతోపాటు విఙ్ఞానం పెంచుకుని తప్పొప్పులకి తేడా తెలుసుకుని మసులుకోవటం మన బాధ్యత.

To wed or not to wed.

There was a time when marriages were arranged, when neither of the persons entering a marriage was familiar with the other. It was the family that decided who was to live with whom. Marriage was used an indication of commitment of one party to the other. It was a commitment made in front of the society, thereby making the couple answerable to their respective families and the society that stood as a witness to their commitment.

However, one question remains. Does a marriage guarantee the happiness of both partners involved in it? A lot of people enter into a marriage not because they want to, but because they have to. Pressure from the family members, fear of being outcast by the society and the prospect of living their entire life as a single, drive people into entering marriages with a person they don’t fully understand. This is more so the case in orthodox and conventional settings. In such cases, apparently, the institution of marriage can do little to the resulting relationship, except, perhaps, limit the freedom of choice each partner has with his or her life. The result, more often than not, is a bad or a failed marriage.

It is such failed marriages that have given birth to the idea of live-in relationships. Today’s youth wants to have the freedom of choosing if, when and with whom to spend the rest of their lives. They want to be able to fully understand and comprehend what they are getting into, and thus try to avoid disasters at a later stage. For such people, live-in relationships seem like an ideal solution and thus, marriage ends up as being a redundant and a rather expensive ceremony.

But how many of us are open to live-in relationships? It remains a fact that, in countries like India, where parents still want to decide their children’s lives and grooms still have to be bought under the name of dowry, not many people are comfortable with the idea of their sons or, especially, daughters choosing whom they want to spend their lives with and worse so, living with that person before or without getting married.

Let’s face it….. In a country like India, despite their growing popularity, live-in relationships are a taboo; like sex, drugs, AIDS. But do they threaten the institution of marriage? I think not. Married or living in, whether bonded legally or by choice; the success or failure of a relationship entirely depends on the two people involved.